I am realizing afresh how impatient I am. I have written of being in pain and how vulnerable I have felt with it. So many lessons in that. Dare I say that the pain has been, on some levels, a gift? So many people in our world live with pain on a daily basis. How useful it is for me to be in a situation where I experience just a little of what so many go through. Hopefully, such a realization will grow my compassion and empathy for others.
Living with pain means slowing down. It also means not being able to do some of the things I would usually do. And I do not like asking for help. I would much rather be my independent self, doing things when I want and how I want. So this gift of pain requires me to ask for help and there has been joy in the companionship of the doing together. I have found myself feeling happy to have another along side doing the things that I have to leave off doing for now. That too has been a blessing.
The needing to wait for things to be done, until another can do them, has also left me feeling vulnerable. Have I become so used to doing things ‘instantly’ that I have lost resilience? How good it is for me to have to wait, to be patient, to say ‘no’ to some things that I would really like to be doing. To actually take some time to rest.
I have long admired the resilience I see in other people. Perhaps they have grown resilience through the patient art of waiting, perhaps even through a level of suffering?
Once again, I come back to the principles of pilgrimage and the lessons I learned when walking the Camino Frances. Rest is important. I do not have to ‘maximise’ my life even though so much of the culture around me, suggests that I should, that I must.
Perhaps I am learning. My pain has lessened over the past few days. My body is on the mend. I hope to remember this time of asking for help and the ensuing joy and happiness that I found in such experiences. May I live life more slowly and not get caught up in over-enthusiasm so that I remember.